


100 Reasons It'll All Be Okay

by prince_yoongi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressed Lance (Voltron), Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, keith comforts lance a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 15:41:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14428821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_yoongi/pseuds/prince_yoongi
Summary: Keith learns that Lance is having a hard time, so he promises to tell Lance that he loves him and that he's valued every day.





	100 Reasons It'll All Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> P.s. there's a Mulan reference in here comment if you know it lol.

The minute that Lance asked everyone to stay after everyone finished eating Keith got a sick feeling in his stomach. He'd noticed something different about Lance recently, but he assumed that if something was wrong he would've brought it up, so he kept his observations to himself. Now Lance was standing in front of them all, telling them that something was wrong. 

He was depressed.

He explained that he had been depressed before, and that he had always had to deal with major insecurities, but he had not had not noticed it again until recently. Lance was wringing his hands nervously the entire time he spoke.

"So, uh, any questions?" Lance said after he had finished.

"Do you need us to do anything?" Shiro asked gently. Lance bit his lip and stared at the ceiling.

"Uh, just... be understanding, I guess" he said slowly. "Sometimes it's hard for me to get motivation to do things, even basic things. And maybe make sure that I'm trying. Like that I'm still eating and training and everything. If- it's not too much to ask" he added. Keith rested his elbows on the table as he watched Lance.

"Of course, Lance. We'll do anything to help you" Allura nodded at Shiro's words.

"And if things feel like they're getting too much, just let me know. I understand how important rest is in situations like these" Lance's lips wobbled as he smiled.

"Thank you" he said hoarsely. "Seriously, thank you" She smiled at him. Pidge asked Lance a few questions about the types of things that would help him when he was feeling particularly bad. "Sleep, honestly" Lance had replied. Hunk told him that he'd be down for sleepovers whenever Lance was feeling sad at night. By the end, Lance looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Lance tapped his knuckles on the table when they were finished asking questions and nodded. "That's all" he said. "Thank you all for listening" everyone made their way out of the room, hugging Lance and telling them that they loved him and that they were going to help him get through this. Shiro hung back for a minute, placing a hand on Lance's shoulder and telling him that he could talk to him at any time. 

"I've been through this before. I know how easy it can be to isolate yourself and think that you can handle everything alone. I promise that talking will help" he squeezed Lance's shoulder. "You're not alone in this bud" Lance thanked him, and promised that he would talk to Shiro if he needed to. Finally, everyone had left except for Keith, who was still sitting at the table.

"Are you okay?" Keith asked Lance. Lance jumped and turned to Keith, like he forgot he was there.

"Uh, yeah. I think so" Lance sat on the edge of the table next to Keith. "Did that go okay?" he asked. "I was really nervous I felt like I was rambling. I feel like I talked too much and- maybe I didn't need to tell everyone like that. Was it stupid? Yeah, this was stupid"

"Lance--" Keith tried to answer his question.

"I felt like I needed to tell everyone so that they wouldn't just assume I was lazy or something" he continued. "What do you think? Did I do okay?" Keith lifted his eyebrows, waiting to see if he was actually done.

"Yeah, of course it did" Lance exhaled in relief and lowered his head.

"Thanks. Sorry. Sometimes I just doubt myself. I'm trying to work on it" Keith was a little surprised. He and Lance were never the type of friends to have heart to heart conversations. They were more the friends that just trained together and got on each others nerves. He liked their friendship the way it was, but this was kind of nice too, Lance confiding in him. 

"You did a good job explaining it. And I think it was a good idea that you told everyone. That was really brave of you, I'm proud" Lance crossed his arms and smiled faintly at the floor.

"Thank you, Keith" he said quietly. 

"No problem" Keith said passively as he started to get up. Lance stood up as well and put his hand on Keith's arm. He looked into Keith's eyes.

"I'm serious, Keith" he said. "Thank you. There's this voice in my head that is constantly beating me down, telling me that I'm worthless, and that I don't have a purpose on this team. That if I wasn't here, no one would notice, or that they would be better off. But when you say things like that it makes me feel a little better" Keith's eyes widened slightly. He had no idea that Lance had felt this way. He had never given any indication of this. He's always been the happy-go-lucky fun loving guy.

Keith made a vow that night to compliment Lance at least once a day so that he would realize that he was a valued member of Voltron, and that they wouldn't be the same without him.

 

The first day was the hardest. They had just got done training, and Keith had waited until it was just the two of them in the room. Lance was wiping his face with a towel when Keith walked up. His heart was hammering in his chest, and his face was red, whether it was from embarrassment or working out he wasn't sure. Lance glanced up at him curiously when saw Keith's feet in front of him.

"Need something?" he asked. Keith clenched his fists at his sides.

"Um... You- you fight good" he said. Lance laughed.

"Yeah, okay" he said. His laughter faded when he realized that Keith was serious. "Oh! Thank you...?" Keith nodded and walked away, leaving Lance with a confused look on his face.

~ ~ 

The second day was just as bad. He hadn't had a moment alone with Lance all day, and he was too embarrassed to say anything in front of the others in fear that they would make fun of him. So, he corner Lance as he was heading to bed.

"Hey, Lance, wait up!" Keith jogged to catch up with him. Lance yawned tiredly and leaned against the wall.

"What's up?" he asked. Keith cleared his throat. He'd been thinking all day about what he was going to say.

"I really appreciated you waiting for me so we could train together" he said. "It was really thoughtful of you, thank you" Lance furrowed his eyebrows and smiled.

"Of course, no problem. We always train together" he said. Keith shrugged.

"I know, but we don't have to train together. There's literally no reason why you should have to wait for me to start training, but you do. You're a really thoughtful guy, Lance. Even if you don't want to admit it" he patted Lance on the shoulder. "You're a really great friend, thank you" Lance had a smile on his face the rest of the night.

~ ~ 

It wasn't until a week later that Lance realized what Keith was doing. Keith was taking time out of his day to say something nice and encouraging to Lance. Every day. Keith knew that Lance had caught on, but neither of them mentioned it. Lance began making excuses to be alone with Keith when he was feeling bad, knowing that Keith would have something to say to that would make him feel better.

This continued every day for about three weeks, everyday Keith would find Lance alone and say something meaningful to him. But then one day, Keith didn't see Lance. He wasn't at breakfast, and he never showed up to train. Later that afternoon Keith began searching the castle for him. He found Hunk and Pidge in their usual room, using the computers to research information on the Galra.

"Hey, have you seen Lance?" he asked. Hunk looked up at Keith. He looked exhausted.

"He didn't sleep last night" he said, setting down the device he was messing with. "He didn't have a good day"

"Is he okay?" Keith's voice raised in concern. "Have you checked on him? Has he had anything to eat?" he was already backing toward the door, ready to head to Lance's room.

"Relax, Keith" Hunk said. Keith paused. "He's okay. He just needs some time alone. I made sure he had food. He's just trying to rest right now" Keith lowered his head.

"Oh," he said quietly. "Okay" he was more than a little disappointed that he wasn't going to get to see Lance today, but he understood that Lance needed time. 

He just wished that he had gotten to say his daily encouragement.

"Hey, Keith" Hunk said before Keith could turn around and leave. Hunk walked over to him and leaned in so that Pidge couldn't hear. "I don't know what you've been talking to Lance about, but whatever it is, keep it up" he said. "He really appreciates it. He said that you've been helping him a lot lately"

"It's no big deal" Keith said truthfully. It really wasn't. All he was doing was telling Lance something nice at least once a day. It barely took any effort. 

"But it is a big deal" Hunk insisted. "He said that some days talking to you is the only thing that makes him think that things are going to be okay. Even I can't make him think that sometimes" How was what he was doing affecting Lance that much? And if what he said really helped, should he skip a day just because Lance was feeling down? Isn't that when he needed to hear these things the most?

"Thanks" he said. He was thinking now. He had an idea. "Hey, do you have any paper?"

 

Lance was pacing back and forth in his room. He had been for hours. He'd barely slept that day, but he couldn't get his brain to shut off. He couldn't help but feel that all this was pointless. He was starting to think that maybe he really didn't need him around. I mean, he'd been in his room all day and the only person who had checked on him was Hunk, and that was only to make sure that he had eaten.

He sat on the edge of his bed and pressed the heel of his hands to his temples. He groaned softly, trying to make the thoughts go away. He knew they weren't true, but they were still there. Always in his mind. He wished that he wasn't like this, that his brain wasn't messed up. But it was. 

He was so lost in thought that it barely registered in his mind when a folded piece of paper slid underneath his door. He raised his head and heard quiet footsteps walking down the hall. He frowned and retrieved the paper from the floor. He laid back on his bed and unfolded it, one arm underneath his head.

The note was written in what looked like a cross between a crayon and a permanent market. There were several parts that were crossed out, but the rest of it read:

 

Hey Lance,

I haven't seen you all day and I know that you need some time alone, but I had to tell you your Daily Keith Encouragement.There's no point and acting like this isn't a thing anymore, because you obviously know that it is, so... 

I just wanted you to know that you are one of the strongest people I know. Seriously. I can't think of a single person that could handle the pressure of being out here in space defending the universe and deal with depression on top of that!? (aside from Shiro but the mans part robot honestly I don't think there's many things he can't do) You deserve a goddamn medal. 

No, actually you deserve more than that. You deserve the freaking moon.

You literally keep this team together. Everyone knows that you're the one to go to when we need cheering up, because that's what you're best at. Happiness is something that is kind of hard to come by out here. We're all surrounded by darkness and we feel isolated and scared, but light and warmth radiates from you. 

You're the heart and soul of our team. I don't know what we would do without you. I don't know what I would do without you.

I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

Love,

 

From, Keef

 

Lance felt tears fill his eyes as he reread the letter. Keith cared so much for him that he wrote an entire letter for him because he knew that he was having a bad day. How did Lance get so lucky to have someone like Keith in his life?

He pinned the letter up on the wall next to his bed, so that when his brain got bad and he couldn't sleep, he would read the letter and be reminded that there were people here who cared for him.

~ ~

Keith saw Lance first thing the next morning . He was sitting on the floor outside Keith's door. "Hey," Keith said, lighting up. "How are you? I didn't get to talk to you yesterday. Are you doing okay--" Lance grabbed Keith's shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "--and I... oh... oh we're hugging now"

"Thank you" Lance said, holding back tears. "For everything. I don't know what I would do without you" Keith didn't like hugging people, but he knew that Lance needed this, so he put his arms around his waist.

"I- I didn't really do anything" Keith said uncomfortably. "I wanted to let you know that you've been doing a really great job lately, and I'm proud of you" Lance was silent for a moment and then he burst into tears. Keith pulled back so he could see Lance's face. "O- oh god. Lance!?" he said in concern. "Lance, what's happening? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" Lance tightened his grip on Keith and buried his face in his shoulder.

"You never say anything wrong" his voice was muffled by Keith's jacket. They stayed like that, Keith holding Lance until Lance finally let go, rubbing his eyes. "You're a really great friend" he said. "Love you... Keef" he said with a mischievous grin. Keith rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Don't make me regret telling you that" he said. He had accidentally told Lance one day that his father used to call him Keef when he was a baby. Lance almost died of happiness when he found out. Keith included it in his letter because he knew that Lance would like it.

"Who, me?" Lance said innocently as they walked side by side down the hall. "I would never"

~ ~

The others caught on to what was happening one day about two months into this. The two of them had been hanging out more and more, lately 

Keith had just gotten done eating and stood to leave.

"You heading to bed?" Lance asked. He was still picking at his food.

"Yeah, it's been a long day" Keith answered. He realized that he hadn't give Lance his Daily Keith Encouragement yet. "Oh, I value you as an equal member of Voltron, and I love you" he said, almost absentmindedly.

"Love you too" Lance said without looking up. Keith turned to leave and then noticed that everyone was looking at him. His face turned red as he realized what he had said.

"Uh... I can explain, I swear" he said, frozen in his spot. Pidge had stopped with her spoon halfway to her mouth to stare at Keith. Her eyes looked huge through her glasses. "I, um, w- well there's this thing that- and we- I just- I didn't--" Lance cut him off, saving him from further embarrassment.

"Keith's been saying at least one nice and encouraging thing to me every day" he explained. "It's really been helping me" they stared at Lance intently for a moment and then shrugged, going back to what they were doing. Keith felt like the whole moment was oddly anticlimactic. 

"Hmm" Keith hummed. "Somehow I thought they were going to make a bigger deal out of this" he said. "Like, I at least thought Pidge was going to make fun of me or something" 

"Oh, believe me. I have thoughts about this" she spoke up. "But it's helping Lance, so I'm keeping it to myself" Lance smiled up at Keith. 

"Huh" Keith said in surprise. Now he wouldn't have to find time alone with Lance to tell him how much he meant to him. 

~ ~

On day ninety-five they were on a mission. It was supposed to be a simple in and out rescue mission, but of course things never went their way. The Galran soldiers came out of nowhere, shooting from every direction. The paladins had to take cover behind a building and began picking the soldiers off one by one.

Keith and Shiro charged around the building and fought in hand to hand combat. The fight lasted a few minutes, and there had been several close calls, but the paladins won in the end. As the last Galran soldier fell Keith turned and ran back to check on the others, who were still behind the building.

"Are you guys alright?" he asked. There was a chorus of "Yes'." Lance lowered his bayard and hopped off the box that he had been standing on. 

"Was that all of them?" he asked. Keith grinned.

"Hell yeah. Dude you were awesome!" he said. Lance had taken out at least half of the soldiers himself.

"Really?" Lance smiled.

"Yeah! We don't call you our sharpshooter for nothing" he praised Lance. Lance shuffled his feet.

"You really call me that?" he asked sheepishly.

"Of course!" Lance punched Keith on the shoulder gently.

"Thanks... Keef" he added playfully. Keith glared at him.

~ ~

Things had been going well. It had officially been one hundred days since Lance had told the group about his depression, and Keith started what Lance so affectionately called his Daily Keith Encouragements. While Lance certainly had his bad days, it was nothing he couldn't handle. He talked with Shiro, had sleepovers with Hunk and Pidge, and came to Keith for encouragement. Everything seemed to be okay alright.

When Keith woke up the morning of the one hundredth day he saw a note lying on his floor right inside the door. A smile crept across his face. He already knew who it was from. He picked up the letter and read it as he walked toward the kitchen. It wasn't a long letter, so it didn't take him long to read it. His steps slowed as he read each word, until he stopped walking completely, gripping the paper with both hands and reading it more carefully.

 

Dear Keef,

First of all, I just want you to know how much a appreciate you and that I love you so much more than you could ever realize. I need you to understand that before you read the rest of this.

 

Keith frowned as he read that line. What did it mean? He shook his head and continued reading.

 

The other day you asked me how I had been doing lately, and I said that I was doing better. I lied to you. I didn't mean to lie, but I didn't want you to know how bad things really were. Things have been getting worse over the last month or so, but I was trying to keep it together for you. Your words really helped me, even if I didn't say that enough.

I'm sorry I lied to you about how bad everything was. I really thought I could handle all this on my own. I appreciate you and everything you tried to do for me. I never would have made it this far without you. I am truly sorry. I know how disappointed you must be in me, and that fact alone is almost enough to make me reconsider, but it's just not enough anymore.

I'm so sorry.

Love, your sharpshooter.

 

Keith finished reading the letter, feeling confused. He squinted his eyes and scanned the letter again. It hadn't been what he was expecting. Why was Lance apologizing? Why would Keith be disappointed in him? What had Lance done...?

Keith's heart stopped in his chest as realization dawned on him.

This was a goodbye letter.

This was a suicide note.

Keith dropped the note and turned on his heel, sprinting towards Lance's room. He knew the route by heart. His legs were almost taking him there on autopilot, he had been there so many times. The closer he got to Lance's room, the louder his heartbeat was in his ears. He couldn't hear anything else. He turned the corner and nearly tripped over something.

It was Hunk. 

He was sitting there staring vacantly at the wall across from him. Pidge was sitting by his side sobbing silently. Keith's whole body went numb.

No.

He refused to believe it.

He continued to head towards Lance's room, walking now instead of running. His sense of urgency was gone. Now he was just afraid of what he was going to find. He saw a figure standing in Lance's doorway. His heart jumped into his throat until he realized that it was Coran. 

Dread washed over him.

No.

He didn't believe it.

He shook his head. "No," he mumbled. "No, no, no, no, no" he strode to the door and tried to move past Coran, who spun around and put both hands on Keith's shoulders. Keith tried to crane his neck around him to see inside. "No! Let me in!" he screamed, fighting against his grip. "Lance!" he called. "Lance!? Let me in!" he pound his fists against Coran's shoulders. "You have to let me in!" his face broke. "Lance!" 

"Keith. Keith, please" Coran said in a broken voice. "Please don't do this" he pleaded. Keith ignored him. He twisted in Coran's arms and broke away from him, darting into Lance's room. His bed was empty. He turned to look at the bathroom that was connected to his room and saw a stream of blood had dripped across the floor. He felt his stomach lurch, but he couldn't move. Shiro's face appeared in front of his. He was talking to Keith, but he couldn't hear him. 

He was being led outside the room. He didn't have any energy to fight it. Shiro sat Keith down in the hallway next to Pidge and Hunk, and made Keith hold his head between his knees and breathe. Keith's brain had stalled out.

This wasn't real. It couldn't be real.

Why had Lance done this?

He never would've imagined that this was going to happen. He could've done so much more than say nice things to him once a day if he had know.

He thought that Lance was okay.

He said he was okay.


End file.
